Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
