That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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