you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
