An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
