When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
