Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
