I think im going to throw up on grandma
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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