i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So squirting runs in the family.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
