Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
