What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
