Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
