would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
