dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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