Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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