every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
