Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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