Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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