Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
