I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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