No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
