lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
