i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Randomize
