i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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