i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize