i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
