I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
