no, he came in my armpit
he shaved USA in his pubs
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
do herpes really smell.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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