I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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