You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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