I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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