I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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