her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
