ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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