dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
