found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
