those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize