i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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