I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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