i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
