If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
