she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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