You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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