i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
