dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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