I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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