I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
