This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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