I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
