just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
