I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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