now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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