we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
