i would punch a child for taco bell
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
