Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
