I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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