U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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