Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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