i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize