He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
