You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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