What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
