I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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