You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
