Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I only lived at night.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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