I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize