For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
