Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
