I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
