"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
