do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
