I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
